#37
“I'm back. I woke up this morning with the insatiable craving to share. I turned 37 last week and for those of you with polished rounding skills, that makes me almost 40. So, last week I woke up almost 40 and realized I need to take responsibility for myself and my actions and make some changes. I woke up almost 40 and I stepped on the scale, after I peed and before I showered, while completely naked. On my 37th birthday I am exactly 37 pounds overweight. That can't be a mistake or a coincidence of numbers. So, I'm back and I'm here to share the journey with whoever wants to come along for the ride.”
I was talking to my good friend, Jonathan, today and said, “I need a hobby!” and he said, “Don’t you have one? Fosmopolitan.” Sometimes you just need someone to remind you what you already have.
I wrote that over two years ago. Four months later my fiancé would be diagnosed with an aggressive form of Leukemia and everything “normal” (like obsessing about my weight) came to a screeching halt. Fifteen months later he would pass away. Twenty six months later, today, I would choose to sit down and start again. To tell my story in hopes that it’s a little like someone else’s story and they’ll find solace in my words. Or a laugh or a cool place to go to or a fun product to try. I don’t have to tell you that grief is not linear. Through tears, panic attacks and PTSD from watching someone die there are also huge crevices of joy, lots of moments of dark humor and sometimes just the simple pleasure I find in online shopping, traveling, eating and drinking too much Oregon Pinot Noir.
I kept a pretty solid Caring Bridge while John was sick, mostly because he would bug me to update it almost daily - I think he liked the idea of his life filtered through my eyes. If you want to catch up, you can read it here. I’ll work to move the entries over to this space, but I’m not ready to read through all of them quite yet.
I should also warn you that IT is not my strong suite, so this site will be a hot mess but I’m trying to learn, so be patient!!